Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
