They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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