Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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