he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
