dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
