can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
