Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
