I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
