Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
