how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
