Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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