That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
