oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's like heaven, but drunker
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
