i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
