So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
