i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize