I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
