planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
