I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Actions speak louder than pants.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
