They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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