i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
