...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So apparently I’m into choking now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize