Will you blow on my dice?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
