Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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