just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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