They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
