Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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