we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
