My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
