Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
