I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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