how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
