I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
why is half of my head shaved?
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