so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
