is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
