Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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