Who wears a wallet chain?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dear god my vagina.
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