how can u be prego again
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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