More tranny stories later!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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