He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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