I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
