I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
