It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize