Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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