Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it glows. i had to have it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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