I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
