Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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