The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
