My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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