im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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