I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
