in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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