I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want nice things and good sex
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize