pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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