ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
