When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
