the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize