I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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