I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
