He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
