i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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