i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
