I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
