just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
