Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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