It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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