what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
