Betty ford says i'm here all night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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