TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
