ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
