I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
