Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
