i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
