She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
