Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
