She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
