ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
