I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
