Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
