Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
