fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
