textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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