He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
