Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
