all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is the high leading the old right now
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
