I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
