I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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