Only a mothe r could love this liver
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
