First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
