Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
